Thoughts from Butterworth: The End is Near

January 23, 2015. Butterworth, Malaysia. Waiting for the overnight train to Bangkok.

“The end is near. It’s been over 7 months so my technical end of the trip is fast approaching, less than 2 months to go. I think it’s safe to say that I don’t feel like I expected to at this point. Although how was I supposed to know how I would feel today. Months ago I remember declaring that I would travel until I couldn’t travel anymore, then I would find some temporary fix ’til I could take off and travel again. It’s not that I’m done with travel, far from it, but I feel I need a break soon. I want to unpack, I want to sleep in, I want a week where I don’t have to look at a single bus, train or plane ticket. I want to stop planning. I want to just be.

People who I’ve met on the road are going home, and for the first time I’m a little jealous. A bed, a couch, a fridge full of options, drinkable tap water, my own bathroom. It’s the comforts of home that I’ve started to miss, to yearn for.

I can finally see myself going home. I couldn’t for a long time, and I still know it will be a hard adjustment, but I can start to imagine it happening. I see myself hibernating for a while, eating PB&J’s with chocolate milk while I catch up on the news and movies. Doing some video editing. Wrapping up blog posts. It sounds lovely.

The part I can’t imagine is a few months into being home. I’ll have to start job searching, replenishing all the money I spent, becoming a “real person” again. And that’s when it’ll start again – looking at flight prices, calculating how long I could last off of what I have left, figuring out if I have to be done just yet. Just a few more months, maybe I can stretch it. South America is pretty cheap.

I can see myself going home, but I don’t know how long it’ll last. The good thing is that I don’t have to know. The hard thing is knowing that this travel bug has no cure. I don’t see 2 week vacatoins in my future, I see two, four, six month ones. So even though the end of this epic journey may be near, it doesn’t mean my exploration of the world is almost over. Not even close. But I’m only 27. I have a lot of life left for that, however I figure out how to keep it going. Maybe it’ll come to me during a break this summer. One way or another, I’ll figure it out. But that’s for a different blog. This one has a timeline now – open ended still, but maybe not eternal anymore.”

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